i'm a bit rubbish at this blog thing.......but i've been so busy with other stuff this has been at the bottom of a very long list.......
I have moved, again. But this is it for at least a year now. We have a beautiful cottage down a lane with only two other houses. A big garden out the front, outbuildings for our mountain of belongings and a patch of garden out the back which we are digging over to turn into a veg patch. I can't wait for next year to be eating our own produce.
The downside of it being rented is not being able to do exactly what we would like to the property and gardens, but i am so grateful to have found such a beautiful place to live.
Bam has started nursery this week and by all accounts he loves it!! but then he is a very sociable child so that doesn't surprise me.
Well, i feel a bit down this week....and lethargic , so am being kind to myself and not pushing too hard on the domestic front. However we have glorious sunshine outside today and so i'm making the most of that and pottering about in the garden. It is so overgrown that actually it's an overwhelming task trying to tidy it, but i'm doing a little here and there and eventually it will start to look much better. I do loathe couch grass though......the damn stuff gets everywhere......
well posties just been, and delivered a lamp i bought for Bam's room and also the first of my christmas shopping!
mostly talking to myself.....not sure if anyone else is paying attention!
Thursday, 18 September 2008
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
so......what happened?
well the short version is that i left the man i had lived with for 14 years, and with whom i have a small child (will be his third birthday in a couple of weeks!)..........it's been hard, with lots of soul searching but now i'm happier. It's very hard, harder than i can say in words, not being with my son every day. We have to do what's best for him though and that is making sure that he gets equal time with mummy and daddy. Because his dad works away at weekends i have ended up in the rather unusual position of being a weekend mummy, which currently means having him Friday afternoon through to Monday afternoon..........but when he eventually goes to school that time will be reduced and i'm finding that thought unbearable.
in more recent events..........a few weeks ago i found a lump in one of my breasts. I went to the GP who referred me to the Breast Clinic and (after changing the appt because it clashed with holiday) i went yesterday. They found the lump (because it has been a bit elusive) and decided to do a biopsy. While doing it half the lump disappeared, so they took the rest out and said it is/was more than likely a cyst. They will phone me on Tuesday to let me know for sure.
in more recent events..........a few weeks ago i found a lump in one of my breasts. I went to the GP who referred me to the Breast Clinic and (after changing the appt because it clashed with holiday) i went yesterday. They found the lump (because it has been a bit elusive) and decided to do a biopsy. While doing it half the lump disappeared, so they took the rest out and said it is/was more than likely a cyst. They will phone me on Tuesday to let me know for sure.
Tuesday, 8 July 2008
erm........
i'd kind of forgotten about this.......but then i've had a lot going on since i last posted. Some really big changes to my life. It's strange to read my posts from last year, and think about the normality i seemed to be living in.......but then that last blog about that party and how lonely i felt.......well that was the beginning of me waking up and realising that my life wasn't at all complete. It's been an emotionally hard few months, i've had to make some hard decisions which mean my life has taken a completely different turn.
More when i have time to sit and think about what i want to write.
More when i have time to sit and think about what i want to write.
Monday, 13 August 2007
lonely
i'm still trying to find some of the old me, but life is so hectic i feel like i don't get a chance to think anymore.
went to a fantastic party on Saturday and saw an old friend who i have missed a great deal. I've met many people over the years and 'connected' with them on some wierd level i don't quite know how to explain.....but i didn't really understand how important this connection was and i've missed out on so much important stuff in these peoples lives because of that.
I enjoyed the party......the first time in years i've done anything 'solo' so to speak, and i have seriously forgotten how to socialise! I used to have the confidence to go up to complete strangers and introduce myself...indeed some of my very dearest friends were met in that very way! However on Saturday i just couldn't do it....what is holding me back? i do know i've been hurt in the past and maybe i'm restricting people getting close to me to avoid that hurt.
I have to get ready for work...so i have to leave this for now, but i may come back to to it later.
went to a fantastic party on Saturday and saw an old friend who i have missed a great deal. I've met many people over the years and 'connected' with them on some wierd level i don't quite know how to explain.....but i didn't really understand how important this connection was and i've missed out on so much important stuff in these peoples lives because of that.
I enjoyed the party......the first time in years i've done anything 'solo' so to speak, and i have seriously forgotten how to socialise! I used to have the confidence to go up to complete strangers and introduce myself...indeed some of my very dearest friends were met in that very way! However on Saturday i just couldn't do it....what is holding me back? i do know i've been hurt in the past and maybe i'm restricting people getting close to me to avoid that hurt.
I have to get ready for work...so i have to leave this for now, but i may come back to to it later.
Thursday, 2 August 2007
i passed
i passed my driving test......at one point i really thought i'd failed when i rolled back slightly on a hill start. I relaxed after that, i suppose thinking i'd failed took the pressure off me......and for the first time in my life i was glad about tourist traffic as i spent 10 minutes in stationary traffic!
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh
9.27 am..........think of me! i will be starting my driving test........
big day tomorrow
so.....tomorrow is the big day.....i take my driving test!! i'm quietly confident, but not too much so. my attitude is, i drive to the best of my ability and if it is good enough i pass and if it isn't then i fail.
Bam is teething and Andy and i are like zombies.....i'm putting so much of my energy into my driving that i barely have any left for anything else. we're both grumpy and snappy, Bam is getting us up several times a night and then up and full of beans at between 5.30 and 6.30 most mornings. I can handle early arisings, but not when i've had a rubbish night's sleep.
We've decided that we're not happy here anymore....when we bought this house it was our dream, but important things have changed in the few years since we've been here. Some changes have been prompted by parenthood (i knew it would change me, but not how much) but not all, and even though we've decided, it's still hard to know what to do next. Job 1 is to get the house finished and valued....so we know where we stand money wise. Then we have to see where go from there....lots of ideas at the moment, but one thing we have decided is no rushing. I want our next house to be just right. We have lots of requirements......and in an ideal world, we'd have them all. But unless i win the lottery this week, it's not realisitic to expect to have them all.
My mum has Bam today....only the second day i have been away from him in nearly two years. She had him on Monday and they had a blast.....it's quite nice for other people to see the quirky and cheeky nature he has. And also to see why i'm so tired. YES he really is on the go ALL DAY! i can manage to calm him enough for a nap but when he's with other people he's too excited to sleep.....
well i should get ready for work........
Bam is teething and Andy and i are like zombies.....i'm putting so much of my energy into my driving that i barely have any left for anything else. we're both grumpy and snappy, Bam is getting us up several times a night and then up and full of beans at between 5.30 and 6.30 most mornings. I can handle early arisings, but not when i've had a rubbish night's sleep.
We've decided that we're not happy here anymore....when we bought this house it was our dream, but important things have changed in the few years since we've been here. Some changes have been prompted by parenthood (i knew it would change me, but not how much) but not all, and even though we've decided, it's still hard to know what to do next. Job 1 is to get the house finished and valued....so we know where we stand money wise. Then we have to see where go from there....lots of ideas at the moment, but one thing we have decided is no rushing. I want our next house to be just right. We have lots of requirements......and in an ideal world, we'd have them all. But unless i win the lottery this week, it's not realisitic to expect to have them all.
My mum has Bam today....only the second day i have been away from him in nearly two years. She had him on Monday and they had a blast.....it's quite nice for other people to see the quirky and cheeky nature he has. And also to see why i'm so tired. YES he really is on the go ALL DAY! i can manage to calm him enough for a nap but when he's with other people he's too excited to sleep.....
well i should get ready for work........
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